Single Mom Dating: Satisfied or Settling?
Single Mom Dating: Standards
*Standard: noun 1. Something serving as a basis for comparison or judgement.
2. A level of quality or attainment.
3. Something set up and established by authority as a rule for the measure of quantity, weight, value or quality.
If you check the dictionary, there are many definitions of the word standard. Most steer us toward the idea of “measure” or “quality”; both of which are important. This, of course, is also dependent upon what is being measured. When we are cooking, we use one set of standard measurements. When we are clothes shopping, we use another.
However, what is our standard when it comes to assessing our relationships? How do you determine who is worthy of your time, energy and affections when it comes to single mom dating? As a single mom, it’s safe to assume your kids are your top priority. But what happens beyond that? As a rule, life is full of relationships – work relationships, church relationships, family relationships, romantic relationships . . . All of which impact the most intimate aspects of our being.
Needless to say, these many different connections are important to maintaining our good mental and emotional health.
Pick up any magazine, turn to any radio station, change the channel on the TV or read the ads as the city bus passes by; and you would think that romantic relationships are top priority. Even if it’s not on everyone’s top 10’s list, it’s definitely big busine$$. – Think of the millions that are and have been made from reality shows like The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Millionaire Matchmaker, Flavor of Love, Hell Date, etc.
While finding true love is what most people say they desire, the selection process or manner in which many of us go about this may suggest something a little different.
Single Mom Dating: What’s Your Approach?
What’s your approach to single mom dating? E-harmony? Match.com? Speed Dating? Are you bar or club hopping? Relying on friends and family for a hook up? or do you really even have an approach? Have any of us given serious thought to the type of person we really want to share our lives with or raise our families with? Do we purposefully sit down and write out a list of pros and cons? (I just did it at 40 years old).
Do you know what you really want? (Beyond tall, dark, handsome and gainfully employed?) Or more importantly, do we know what we DON’T want? What are YOUR deal breakers? The difficulty for most of us is not about knowing what we want, it’s being patient enough to wait for it. . . and being strong enough to resist the temptation to compromise for the sake of having someone in our lives. As a single woman, society tells me that the odds are not in my favor.
“Too many women for too few men. . .”
“Take what you can get. . .”
“You can change him into the man you want him to be.”
I hear stuff like this on a daily basis and I say . . .HOGWASH! You can’t change unless you make a directed, continuous effort to do so. Growth and improvement do not happen until you willingly embrace these changes.
Single Mom Dating: Setting Good Examples
Numbers don’t lie, but even if the numbers aren’t that great, the rules of supply and demand are still in effect. Diamonds remain precious and costly because of the EFFORT which is required to attain them. Ladies, I’m here to tell you, we are the diamonds the proverbial “He” is searching for – So we have to know our worth. This does not mean to equate your value to material items and demand those superficial things as proof of affection. However, it means presenting ourselves in a manner consistent with our value and requiring others to deal with us accordingly. Remember we must teach people how to treat us.
And this goes for any and all of our interpersonal relationships from our children on up. Organizing your single mom dating life will make you feel good about yourself, and make you feel confident. The stress caused by disorganization when you engage in single mom dating will also be relieved. Organizing your thought process when it comes to relationships can be a calming and centralizing influence.
If we allow or accept any old thing that is exactly what we will get. More importantly, we must consider the type of mate we expose our little ones to and what impressions these people will be making on their lives. As children observe our interactions with others, we are indirectly teaching them about relationships – both how to treat others and how we should be treated. Women’s intuition can save us from a lot of wasted time, wasted energy and wasting a perfectly good outfit.
Outlining our personal standards so that they are clear in our minds is also another layer of protection from the many losers on the loose out there. I have printed out my personal standards and plan on keeping them in mind the next time I’m tempted to give out my number on a whim or when I’m tempted to invite Mr. “Right Now” over. What about you?
To learn more on building and strengthening your relationships, read our article on how to improve communication skills.
*Standard definition courtesy of www.dictionary.com
Article adapted from Single Mom Dating: Satisfied or Settling?
Get FREE Instant Access!
Simply enter your information into the form below: