Single Moms: Learning to Let Go


It is Easy When You Know How
by Jennifer Masters Gates


From the time we are conceived we have desire around us. From the lust and desire of the love-making act that brought us into this world, to the desire to live long lives and have beautiful homes, cars and new clothes. All of these are forms of attachment. Humans are acquisition oriented. We are constantly looking for the newest, latest and greatest model of everything from cell phones to computers and houses. Men and women change partners looking for someone more attractive, thinner, younger or sweeter. This constant battle to win the most toys does not bring us happiness or peace. Sometimes it causes us great pain. In an effort to get more or have more we then have to work that much harder to keep what we have.

If you have ever been through a fire, or a foreclosure you know what it is like to have to let go. It is not an easy thing to do. If you are controlling you may have a little more difficulty with the concept than those that are not. It is possible however. Little by little you can learn to let go of the outcome of situations, marriages, projects, jobs and the government. Most of these things cannot really be controlled by us. Relinquishing control and allowing things to move organically instead will free up a lot of your energy. Holding on and trying to control people and events is exhausting and causes suffering.

If your child is struggling in school taking drugs, or pregnant, you know that you cannot control the actions of others. You can guide, teach and pray. But at some point you have to let them go and make their own decisions and pray that they make the best ones. Non-attachment is very similar. You can do all the right things, pray all the best prayers but in the end the only one that can make events fall into place is God. Letting God take over is what non-attachment is all about.

We have to have the faith that things will work out in the best possible way for us. If events do not materialize the way we envisioned them doing it is because God knows better what we need in any given moment. Just like the Rolling Stones song,“You can’t always get what you wa- ant. . You can’t always get what you wan-ant. You get what you need.” I bet you never thought of Mick Jagger as spiritual did you?

Zen Buddhism teaches non-attachment. We are strongly attached to our bodies, fearing death. Our bodies constantly change. In our teens and into our 20′s our bodies are vibrant and beautiful. As we get older we may gain weight, begin to wrinkle and lose our hair. If we continue to be attached to our bodies these natural forms of aging may cause us suffering and pain.
Some become anxiety ridden by the natural aging process instead of taking it in stride as part of the process. Focusing on the past and future is attachment. Living in the present moment and enjoying it for what it is releases us from that attachment. Staying in the moment and not focused on the events of the past or the possible outcome of the future is the way to peace.


Have you ever taken the time to watch a child? Children are spontaneous. They move around quickly, running from place to place. They take joy in just being alive.


We take life far too seriously. We all need to have more fun and play in our lives. Life is a blast it is time to experience it fully. Children wake up rested and usually have no worries at all. They get fed when they are hungry (for the most part) and laugh when they are happy.


My youngest child, a daughter is easily embarrassed, and I embarrassed her often. If I want to talk to a stranger in the grocery store I do. This makes my daughter uncomfortable. She is still concerned what others think of her. I love to speak to strangers and help put a smile on someone’s face by giving them a heartfelt complement.


Some people rarely get a complement and I am enjoying and loving life so I want to share that with others. The more joy I feel the more I want to share it with others. I have also begun to laugh from the depth of my soul.When I do something I do it with all my heart – never half-assed. In other words, if I make a funny and crack myself up, I will laugh out loud.


I don’t care who hears me and that is embarrassing to my daughter. I don’t care. That is her issue not mine. I don’t pussy-foot through life anymore. I make conscious steps and live with awareness. I will not hide my light under a bushel because it makes others uncomfortable. That is their business not mine. What others think of me is none of my concern. Nor should it be yours.


Children are like that. They enjoy playing at life. They do not take things too seriously. Neither should we. Life is short have a ball! We are meant to have fun on a daily basis. It does not matter what job you have, what profession you are in, you do not need to work at a spiritual job to be living a spiritual life. I used to believe that was the case, but no longer.


It is the way you do your job that matters. Do you do your job to the best of your ability with a good attitude? That is the key. Or do you gossip about others and bad mouth everyone in your department? Be an asset not a liability. Have fun with what you do. Give it your all and play. You will feel much happier as a result. Play is a necessary part of life. You can play anywhere. Just ask a child.

Jennifer Masters Gates is an Ordained Minister, Certified Life Coach, Speaker, Teacher and Author of  "Odyssey:  Victim to Victory".  You can find Jennifer's book on by following this link: 



Join us as we listen in on the premiere of her radio show, Voice America.  Tune in starting October 27th at 1:00 Pacific/4:00 Eastern on the 7th Wave Channel.  Her program focus will be "Finding the Love in You.  How to help others raise self confidence and self esteem." Log on to or   for more information.  

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